42 Questions I Had While Watching Wonder Woman 1984

There are times when a movie just fails to sweep me away. Wonder Woman 1984, for a number of reasons (all of which you can read here), was one of those movies. Whenever that happens, whenever I get jarringly and unexpectedly pulled out of a film, I find myself picking at nits and asking questions that I normally wouldn’t.

Here are 42 questions I had while watching Wonder Woman 1984.

Everything here is a spoiler. You have been warned.

1. What was the moral/lesson from that American Gladiators-esque prologue to the movie? Was it that cheaters never prosper? Or that you can only win when you’re ready to win? Or that you should always look ahead, and never look back, because you might get clotheslined by a tree?
2. Wonder Woman saves the bride from falling off the bridge (phew!) but lets those thieving kids get away with stealing those sunnies?
3. Sure Wonder Woman takes out all of those security cameras at the Stranger Things mall, but everyone there can see her as clear as day. Literally EVERYONE. Did that reporter on the street not speak to any eyewitnesses? Not even the one?
4. Has Wonder Woman been using her God-given God-like powers to fight street-level-friendly-neighbourhood-Spider-Man type crimes this whole time?

5. Has Diana spent the last 70 or so years just pining for Steve?
6. Did Diana buy a ranch and name it after Steve Trevor? Or did she just visit the Trevor family ranch? Maybe she got a sign made up of her two favourite things: Steve Trevor and Ranch Dressing? Either way, they show us that photo far too many times in this movie for seemingly no reason whatsoever. I mean, I get it, she loves the guy.
7. Barbara has been working at the Smithsonian for two weeks and everyone is mean to her because she has frizzy hair and wears a frumpy skirt? Well, that’s just messed up!
8. Who is this Asian guy and why is he such a douche?
9. Does this date between Diana and Barbara pass the Bechdel Test? I’m not quite sure it does.

10. How does this magic stone work? Do you just have to think about your wish like Diana did? Or do you have to say it out loud like Barbara does?
11. So all Barbara needed to do to go from a nottie to a hottie was take off her glasses? (Even the Asian guy is impressed!)
12. So Steve has been around, and stalking Diana, for at least a day before he confronts her at the party. The last time he was alive was during World War I. You’re telling me he managed to navigate his way around Washington D.C. and not have his mind explode at everything around him?
13. What is Maxwell Lord’s plan? What does he want? What is his endgame? From what I gather, he just wants “more.” This movie might have the most unclear motivations for a supervillain ever.
14. Diana just flashed her work I.D. to get into the National Air and Space Museum hangar to steal a fighter jet. Did they have RFID access back in 1984?

15. Doesn’t everyone at the Smithsonian now know who entered the building late that night to steal a jet?
16. Do they just leave fully fuelled jets lying around at a museum?
17. A 1984 fighter jet has about as much in common with a World War I biplane as an abacus does with an iPhone. How in the hell does Steve figure out how to fly the damn thing?
18. Can a fighter jet fly from Washington D.C. to Cairo on one tank of fuel?
19. Where did they get the fuel to fly back?
20. How did they get back to D.C. so quickly?
21. Were Diana and Steve just waiting around the corner from that record store so they could show up at the same time as Barbara?
22. Why is Steve talking about Diana’s powers like everyone knows who she is? It’s supposed to be a “secret” identity buddy.
23. Speaking of motivations. What about Barbara? How did she go from zero to muahahaha evil so quickly? But also, why?

24. Maxwell Lord is now going to use a satellite to “touch” every human on Earth in order to grant all of their wishes. But why? What does he want? Why does he want it?
25. Did Diana mean to deflect that bullet into that vase, causing it to shatter, thereby resulting in its fragments knocking out Maxwell Lord? Or was it just a lucky coincidence?
26. Barbara just shows up at The White House to save Maxwell Lord? Deus ex machina much? Did they just let anyone walk into the place in 1984?
27. Diana is flying! Is that the music from Sunshine? (Iain McNally thinks so and he is not happy about it.)
28. Where is Diana flying to? Is she heading to the island where Maxwell Lord is? Because she seems to be swinging (on lightning) away from Washington D.C.
29. No. Wait. Did she just make a u-turn to go home and pick up her golden armour?
30. Did the Cats special effects team work on Barbara’s transition into Cheetah? (Is there a butthole cut?)
31. If Barbara’s wish was to be like Diana, thus gaining all of Diana’s abilities, powers, and weaknesses, then wouldn’t an electrical cable in the water have taken them both out?

32. When did Maxwell Lord get these special wind powers to push Wonder Woman back?
33. Wonder Woman’s Lasso doesn’t just make you tell the truth it also shows you the truth. So Wonder Woman managed to bring about world peace by giving a good speech? (Suck it Aaron Sorkin!)
34. What makes this moment in 1984 different from all the other moments when the world has been on the brink of self-destruction? Where was Wonder Woman during World War II or the Cuban Missile Crisis? Why did she feel the need to intervene now?
35. How did Maxwell Lord get back to D.C. so quickly?
36. If everyone had renounced their wishes, why did the Marine One pilot agree to fly Lord back to D.C. using the President’s helicopter?
37. Was Lord’s son just hanging out in the ruins of the city until his dad got back?
38. So what happens to Maxwell Lord? Does he get arrested? Does he go to jail? Does Amanda Waller force him to join the Suicide Squad? Does he just learn the error of his ways and live happily ever after with his son?

39. Wait a damn minute. If Diana has truly learned this movie’s vague lesson about not just surviving this world but truly being a part of it, why the hell is she still reluctant to save it in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice?
40. In both BvS and Justice League, it feels like Diana never got this cathartic resolution with Steve.
41. Why does Lynda Carter sound so high pitched and squeaky? What did they do to her voice?
42. Where’s Barbara? Did they just leave her on that island?

Wonder Woman 1984
151 minutes
Director: Patty Jenkins
Writers: Patty Jenkins, Geoff Johns, and David Callaham
Cast: Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Kristen Wiig, Pedro Pascal, Robin Wright, and Connie Nielsen

Wonder Woman 1984 might be playing in a cinema near you.