Darth Maul is one scary mojo.

My Star Wars

Dept. of Failed First Impressions

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With the end of the Skywalker Saga just around the corner, Team Goggler take a minute to reflect on their first encounters with Star Wars. First up, Bahir talks to us about the crushing disappointment he felt after watching The Phantom Menace in cinemas.

I don’t really have any memories of seeing the original Star Wars trilogy. I know that I was very young when I did. So young, in fact, that the experience evokes more confusion than anything else: Why is the first movie the fourth movie? Why is Chewie so much bigger than the other Ewoks? (I never said I was a smart kid) Why is Luke kissing his sister? Admittedly, the original three Star Wars movies weren’t really a transformative experience for me as a child.

Is it an Ewok? Is it a Wookiee?
Pinterest really is a weird place…

My first real memory of Star Wars was (unfortunately) going to the cinema to watch The Phantom Menace when I was 16. I was there with my parents and a bunch of cousins. It was opening day. I was excited, but clearly not as excited as some of the people I saw there. A friend from high school had dressed up as Darth Maul; face paint, horns on his head, black hood, black robe, the works.

This is the actual Darth Maul and not my high-school friend in costume.
Not a picture of said friend.

As the credits rolled, the crowd whooped and hollered at the Lucasfilm logo. The applause was deafening when that first horn blared as the Star Wars title card appeared on screen. But then, the excitement pretty much fizzled. I can’t remember much of what happened in the cinema after that, but what I do remember is the distinct air of deflation as we streamed out of the hall after having met Jar Jar Binks and learning about Anakin’s midi-chlorian count.

Urgh. Midi-chlorians. The answer you didn't want, to the question you didn't ask.
Credit to https://www.starwarsreport.com/2012/11/27/midi-chlorians-explained-a-fans-take-on-those-controversial-microscopic-lifeforms/

The sound of the air being sucked out of the room was deafening. There was a palpable sense of uncertainty and disappointment. What did we just watch? Was it good? Was it terrible? Of course sure there were a few people who said they enjoyed the movie, but it always seemed like they were trying too hard. Like they were somehow trying to convince themselves as much as the rest of us.

I recently sat down to try and rewatch The Phantom Menace with my wife. It’s been 20 years and I was hoping that something had changed. Maybe I’d see something different. Maybe I’d respond better to all of Palpatine’s politicking and Boss Nass’ patois more in my old age. Maybe maturity and experience would make me see it with new eyes.

I was half asleep by the time Anakin climbed into his pod for the races. I didn’t even bother to stop the movie.

It was one of the best afternoon naps I had had in a long time.

Bahir likes to review movies because he can watch them at special screenings and not have to interact with large groups of people who may not agree with his idea of what a movie going experience is. Bahir likes jazz, documentaries, Ken Burns, and summer blockbuster movies. He really hopes that the HBO MAX Green Lantern series will help the character be cool again. Also don’t get him started on Jason Momoa’s Aquaman (#NotMyArthurCurry).

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